So as everyone but Jake knows, I like Jake. It all started on Wednesday. I asked Jon after the show if Jake liked anybody. He said that it was hard to tell because of a few different reasons that I can't remember. He did say that lots of girls have liked him and do currently because he's just such a likeable guy. But that, at the moment, he seems to be complacent with his misery. He has really poor self-seteem (which I can't imagine why, or that he does at all.)
Jon later asked why I was asking and I said "Why do you think?" Which made him super excited. I texted him later that night asking How many is many and something else, but my phone deleted the text I sent. He responded as follows:
" oh Jessica Maloy. I've known Jake since 1st grade, so naturally we are good friends. When girls like a guy, they natrually flock to a close friend of theirs to get help in gettin gthat person's attention. You are not the first person who has come to me about liking Jake. There are quite a few girls who find Jake attractive and interesting. But sadly Jake, like me, runs at the first sign of change and often meets these girls with rejection. He just doesn't want to make the effort to be happy. But I will indeed help you ou tmore than the others because i think you can get him, and genuinly be the inspiration he needs to like a full, happy life. So I'm totally behind you girl.I know it may be difficult, but like i said, you may not have that much time before someone else swoops in to claim him, especially around tolo. I'll make you a deal. Since I know how hard it can be to make your feelings known I'll do it with you. If you get Jake to go out with you, it doesn't have to be tolo but it'd be a good start, I'll ask someone out too. That way you don't have to go through it alone."
Obviously that scared the crap out of me. Some other freak girl waiting in the shadows to steal what I had been working so hard for!? No way. That night I didn't sleep very well, if at all. And I thought long and hard about what to do. And there was only one thing to do and thinking about it caused me super ridiculous anxiety. But It was nice to know that someone had faith in me and was rooting for me. Jon and I talked more about Jake in the next couple of days. Jon, thursday night after the show came and said" You know what would be really cool? If someone got asked to tolo closing night with flowers." I told him I didn't think anyone was getting asked to anything. I didn't fully decide to ask Jake until way later that night because I couldn't sleep.
I was feeling really down though because I hadn't had much positive interaction with Jake in a while. I hadn't hugged him after a show for 4 perfomances. Wednesday and Thursday, all day, I had been looking forward to hugging him, but the night came and went and I was left without. During the entire performance on friday night I worked on being happy and when we went out to the lobby I hugged my way through the crowd over to him and he was ready for a hug.
You know how you can tell if someone wants something or not? The other nights the oppournity didn't really present itself. That hug was the longest hug I have ever gotten and it was awesome. I figured as long as he kept hugging, so would I. By that time I had decided my plan of action, but was really nervous.
That night I texted Amanda Olson and asked her who was in her tolo group. She said that she and Carlos still hadn't decided yet. Then I asked her if I asked Jake if we could go with her. She replied "YES!!!!"
I had weird feelings and thoughts about myself and him and what he thought about me and what I thought about myself. Friday night he gave me a ride home from the theatre. Carlos Tablit was in the car too because he was going to spend the night at Jake's house. The cool thing about that ride was that earlier, I had asked if he was going to get a ride and he said probably not and he asked for a ride. I laughed and told him that I actually needed a ride this time because my parents were in Seattle. About 10 minutes later he found me and told me that his mom was on the way and that if I still needed a ride I was welcome.
Saturday came and it came time to actually execute my plan. I went to the store and bought him a big bouquet of mixed flowers, themed mostly purple because that is his favorite color. Jon told me that it was one of their goals in life to be in a play and get flowers afterwards because only good actors get flowers. Then I started doodling and cutting out letters and such and ducked them to the page. (Duck is double sided sticky stuff for scrapbooking and whatnot.) I hadn't really slept well or eaten since wednesday and I was still experiencing anxiety. While I was working on the picture I found myself getting angry.
I was angry at Jake. That stupid kid who hasn't done anything to deserve my affection! And all he does is cause me anxiety! And he makes me feel so gross and bad all the time! GAH! And then I realized that he hadn't actually done anything. And the last interaction I had with him was positive. Then began the positive self talk. I was terrified he would say no. And I didn't really know what I would do if he said no. It just didn't really process. I finished my picture, finally feeling in a better mood, and placed it in a manila envelope, grabbed the flowers and headed over to the theatre.
I kept the flowers in the concession stand and the envelope in my bag of stuff. I talked to you, Sam, for a while and that helped me A TON to feel better about the situation and what I was going to do. Jake came over and talked to me in the cast room and it was good. Then, in the energy circle, I got to hold his hand and talk to him more. He is so handsome. His hands are really cold. For the energy pump up we were supposed to go around the circle and each person say the name of one person, actor or not, that has contributed greatly to the process. Like usual, there was a good handful of people that said my name, but not like usual, Jake said my name. In all the other enegy circles when people are supposed to say a name, he deflects by saying things like "Isabella" (the dog's name) or "All your pretty little faces." He didn't deflect.
My goal is to be a safe person that he feels good around and I want to help make him happy. So this probalby will sound kind of weird but it isn't really. I have sweaty hands like 99% of the population. So does he. When we let go he apologized for his sweaty hands and I said that I have sweaty hands too and that I don't think I've ever met someone without sweaty hands. He said he hadn't either and the weird thing is that everybody thinks that everybody else's hands aren't sweaty it's just them.
There were lots of little good things that happened that night during the performance. Like high fives when he got off stage and brief hand squeezes and him coming and talking to me about random stuff.
Curtain call came and went and it was time to go to the lobby. Sam and I went and unlocked the concession stand and got the flowers and I got the Manila envelope. I went to go find him. By the time we got everything he was over talking to his dad. Sam told him to come over and I went and told him that I had somehting for him. I handed him the flowers and envelope. He already had flowers so his hands were kind of full. He said he'd open the letter later. I told him I thought he should open it. He shook his head and said later. Sam and her mom were standing behind him and so we traded spots and I told Sam what just happened and that I didn't know what to do.
He had given his flowers to his dad. I know his parents and they are both really nice. His dad was standing to my left. I told his dad that he should really open the envelope. I faced back to Sam and talked to her for a moment more. Then I turned around. Jake had the envelope in his hands and he had already looked at it. We made eye contact and a smile broke out across his face and he just started nodding. I was so happy!!! We hugged and his dad took a couple of pictures.
I can't tell you how happy I was that things had worked out. Sam and I went over to the concession stand, it was dark and she gave me a hug and it was great. Jon came in a couple seconds later and I told him. He was really jealous and frusterated but super happy for me. He didn't think that I would do this so fast. But the entire time he was helping me so much. Talking to Jake about the idea of going to tolo. Talking about relationships and stuff like that. "Warming him up to the idea." Is what Jon said. And the entire time he was alwasy checking in with me, asking what I had done that day and always pointing out oppourtunities to do more.
After that I didn't know what to do. I went to the cast room and Carlos took me aside and asked me if I was going to ask Jake to tolo. I told him that I already had and that he had said yes. Carlos was super excited! It was awesome. Carlos had spent the night at Jakes house the other night and Carlos said that they had had some male bonding and that Jake had said that he really wanted a girlfriend, but that nobody ever liked him. Carlos said that the ball was in my court. I told him I already made my move and Carlos said " You know Jake, You're going to have to be assertive."
We all ended up going to the cast party and it was actually pretty fun. I got to talk to Jake more and that was good. I was so happy that everything had worked out.
I hope things continue to work out and that we continue to be friends and possobly more. I just don't know how to go about doing that. I really hope he keeps sewing 5th period. Because if he doens't, there is no way we can keep being this good of friends, just by default. But I have faith in him, that he will make the right choice. And that hopefully he'll get a clue. But I have to stop thinking about it right now because negative thoughts are starting to creep in.
Goodnight Samantha Larson Most Wonderful Best Friend A Girl Could Ever Wish FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Jess
He said yes :)
