That sentence will have more relevance as the post unfolds itself, but right now, I feel like I should begin with a statement of the two reasons why I haven't posted. 1-General laziness. 2- I like to have pictures on my posts...and my camera is indefinitely incapacitated. As my sister packed her bags and literally headed out the door for her road trip to college, she found she was in dire need of a battery for her camera. Due to the fact that he camera battery had mysteriously disappeared she grabbed mine, and sadly I hadn't transferred any new pictures to my computer. So now I have no camera, aside from film ones (which take quite some work to develop) but I will try to get another battery (and charger) soon, and until then, will probably post random pictures I've taken in the past that have no relevance to what I'm saying... such as this:
Now going back to my bathological statement above. I have been taking baths nearly every day of the week mostly because I need that one sliver of stress relief in my day so I don't explode. For some reason I believed that this semester would be about me (by the way, that statement was not meant to be bitter in any way) in the sense that I would do things I want to do, and accomplish what I want to accomplish. With my assignments piling and piling up to the point of exploding into a million assignment pieces, I realize, this is not going to happen.
In my ideal next few months, I had planned to take some form of martial arts, work out, and above all study like a maniac for the AP Biology Exam. Now my do-absolutely-nothing class of Health is gone and switched with a class where I have homework and need to spend time with (CWI), and more stressful than anything else I've done in my life, Art 2 is consuming my time. Already I have a 50 point persuasive essay, as well as a 100 point exact copy (minus dimensions) of a masterpiece, all of which is due every 2 weeks for the next 8 weeks.
Art has always been a stressful subject for me. I love it in general, I love doing art, but when it comes to art as an assignment and class, I stress like none other. Just the other day I completed my first assignment and when I was finished, I cried. I cried, and looked at it, and thoughts of hate of what I'd made came into my head and I cried some more. This is not a proud moment for me, I admit, but sadly, it's the way I think (something I work on constantly to change.) I made myself stare at it until I finally believed that I was okay. It turns out, it was better than okay. I got a perfect score on it, and some of the best feedback in class, and I need to start believing that in the first place or this class will destroy me.
I'm working on changing my opinion of my art (and luckily it's only in art that I have such unhappy thoughts with what I do); each time I begin to feel stressed I tell myself to breathe and think of positive outcomes. Right now, these projects coming up, as time consuming as they will be, look interesting. I've picked the first artist I'd like to copy, Monet, making sure to keep it relatively simple so as not to utterly kill myself. I know that, most likely, even if the process of creating it is a happy one, by the end my mind will pick out one thing that makes me want to rip it up, but once that happens, my goal is to stop myself, accept that most likely miniscule error, and focus on all the beautiful things that I created.
All in all, I didn't mean for this to be a depressing post, but more one of goals and hope. Don't worry though, my next post I already have in mind is quite a bit more giddy :)
I hope you second semester is going fantastic though, and I love you, love you love you!
Samalamadingdong
p.s.
I planned to have more pictures on this post... but as my luck would have it, after the first picture, it wouldn't upload any other picture, oh well.
No comments:
Post a Comment