Dearest Sam

Bullet points are so wonderful so I'm going to use some here!

Coffee has been wonderful! I have recently discovered it and it is a magical and delicious substance! And I really want to check out local coffee joints. Specifically, Zola's Coffee. Jake's mom Diane and some of her family members have a band called Hired Help and they sing at Zola's sometimes and I really want to go and hear them. Diane Whale Hackett is such an amazing woman and I think she is awesome and I really want to be her friend. I doubt that's going to go very far, but I have some tricks up my sleeve. She made Tolo a million times easier and she has always been so nice to me in general. Hired Help is singing on March 25th and 26th from 7-9 pm. We should go get dinner there :) And we can work on planning our road trip in greater detail.

• Nick Santiago and I have been hanging out a lot more lately. I am worried that he may think that I like him, which I don't. But either way, we went on another walk together today. This time, instead of walking our usual route (From my house to High Point, around that neighborhood, out back to the main road, down to Savannah, through that neighborhood out to the back road with the church on it. Then down that street back to the main road that goes towards the FOSS roundabout, then back to my house.) we went to Timberlane and went to his old house. At first it was really hard for me to change the route and be okay with going a different way, but things ended up being fine. It was right next to Cedar Valley Elementary School. When we walked up to it the new owner was working in the yard. Being the social butterfly Nick is he struck up a conversation and we ended up getting invited in to see what the man had done to the house. He originally planned to only live there for 2 years, flip the house and then sell it. Bummer for him because the market soon plunged and he's been there for the past 6 years. He plans on moving to Alabama soon and opening his own hot yoga joint there with his ex-girlfriend who is still his business partner. He was an older man and at first I thought he seemed super nice, but once in his house I was getting some super creepy vibes and ended up being extremely grateful that Nick was there. The whole time something was telling me to run. It was like fight or flight and I was feeling the flight urge bad. But everyone walked away without anything happening and that was good. It was fun to see Nick's old house and the man's decorating style.


• Acne, this past week, has waged war on my face. It has been an intricate schedule of drying Acne cream, Lotion for the dry skin, Aloe vera for the irritated skin and waiting. Lots of courage has gone towards getting up every morning and going to school. At first it was just annoying and painful, but by the end of the week I was starting to feel truely ugly and I didn't like what I looked like. One day a weird orangey rash broke out on my face where I had been putting the Acne cream. My face hurt because new zits would break out during the day and they were deep. So my confidence took a hit and I have a Dermatologist appointment on tuesday. Which was a miracle actually! Before appointments would have to be scheduled 3 months out. My mom called, expecting more of the same, but it turned out that she had decided to stop accepting new patients and our appointment was scheduled less than a week out! I'm very excited :)
• ROCK AND WORSHIP ROADSHOW!!! It was so unbelievably perfect and I loved every second of it. We were supposed to leave from Faith Baptist church at 4. My mom and I were fighting and things were pretty crappy. I almost decided to scratch the whole concert thing and just stay home I was so frusterated. However, I told myself that I would regret not going and that it could end up being really good and just what I needed. I am so glad that I went becuase it was exactally what I needed. The lyrics were so powerful and perfect. The main minister man even gave a 15 minute mini sermon about how we're all beautiful all the time. That GOD already loves us more than we can imagine and that when we look in the mirror and hate what we see it breaks GODS heart because we are his masterpeices and he loves what he made and he is proud of each of us and wants us to feel the same about his work and what he has spent so much time and love creating.
  
• Today I decided that I didn't want to go to church at all. So I texted Heather at 7 this morning that I wasn't going to be able to make it this morning and then I went back to sleep until noon! And it was wonderful. It was sunny and wonderful and then, when 1 rolled around, I didn't go to my church either. And you know what? It felt good.

• Therapist: I cannot tell you how much I love my therapist! She is such a wonderful lady and I really think that she has helped me through what has been the hardest year of my life so far. Teenager years are already hard as it is and then when you add religious issues and confidence and crappy friends and trying to sort out weird emotions that you've never felt before... it can get pretty crazy. And I can tell her anything and get advice from her and that's her job! To give advice and to help you think about issues in a different way than you normally would and give techniques on how to handle different problems and reccomend things like mood stabilizers and such. (Which, by the way, SAM-e has been really great.) I just really enjoy getting to talk to her and bringing my problems to her for her opinion on them.

My life is awesome and I just have been really happy lately and I realized that I needed to post about it because not good times are probably going to be coming. Bad times are scary but this time I will be prepared.